9 Things I Wish my Horse Would Stop Doing

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Drinking Water
I know you can do this without soaking me. I know it, and you know it, too.

Riders and horse owners know that horses make our lives complete. Horses fill our lives with happiness, accomplishments, entertainment, conversation topics and more.

They also do many things to make our lives more challenging.

Don’t misunderstand me – I wouldn’t trade my time at the barn for anything. However, sometimes it’s healthy to air my grievances.

Here are just some of the things I love to hate about my barn time.

Dear [insert horse name here]:

  • Please refrain from accenting my shirt with a lovely smear of slime when I’ve stopped by the barn in my work clothes. Maybe I’m dropping off a check or checking on an injury. Either way, I’m going to change before riding but I wanted to see you first and now there’s green goop on my blouse.
  • Why must you scare my friends? I ride nice horses. Horses don’t usually bite. But I think you and your pasture mates can smell fear, and I believe some of the real schoolmasters get a kick out of giving a non-horsey friend the evil eye and watching them squirm. That’s not nice.
  • I get it. When you’ve got to go, you’ve got to go. But must you really attempt to poop while I’m picking out your back feet? I think you’re planning this. It happens far too often.
  • I know you’re thirsty after a ride, but when you act like you want a drink of water from the hose and then somehow spray it onto me, it’s less than ideal. You and I both know you can drink the water without spraying half of it on to me.
  • Can we revisit the back feet issue? I’m not going to sugar coat it: I hate when you attempt to bite my bottom when I’m picking out your back feet. It’s for your own good, and it’s not a new chore. Please stop that.
  • You seem determined to roll after your bath. I know it’s in your nature, but I just spent a good deal of time cleaning you, and now that I’m covered in your dirt/mud/water/soap … you’re covered in dirt again. Maybe give it a day? I’m just asking for one day.
  • You often look unhappy in our photos. You and I both know you are fully capable of putting your ears forward. And I know you’re making donkey ears on purpose. I just know it.
  • Donkey Ears
    Couldn’t you smile for the camera just this once?
  • Why do you act like you’ve never seen the corner of the arena before? I know that sometimes flowers blow in the wind. That’s scary. Sometimes cars outside the barn make loud noises. Eek! Valid fear. The corner – the one in the arena where we exercise twice a week – has not changed. The lighting isn’t different. Nothing new is throwing a scary shadow. Nothing has changed. Stop acting like bending to the inside in a corner is the scariest/most difficult/most ridiculous thing I’ve ever asked you to do. Silly.
  • Let’s talk about my helmet. You and I both know that I wear it for a reason, and it has no effect on your job. I usually take care to hang it up before and after rides, but every so often I place it next to my saddle or somewhere near the crossties. And every. single. time … you manage to sniff it so that it falls into the dirt (and hopefully dirt without manure). This is no accident and I know it. Please refrain.

So [insert horse name here], while you drive me bananas for all of the reasons above and more, I still love you. Keep being the ridiculous horse that you are. If you were perfect, I wouldn’t have nearly as much to laugh about.

Liked this article? Here are others you’ll enjoy:
10 Life Lessons Learned from Jumping Horses
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Follow Allison on Twitter at @allisongriest

 

9 COMMENTS

  1. Here are three things i wish my mini would stop doing to me: I wish he would stop acting like he has never seen a big jump before when we are at a horse show and then do it perfectly at home, I wish he would stop acting like a bear was attacking him when I barely put water on him to start giving him a bath, and I really wish he would stop hitting his head as hard as possible into the back of my knees and knock me down when I am not paying attention to him for 2 minutes… My horse is very intelligent, but also a bit insane at times… If you think the things I listed are funny please vote Chance in miniature horses for HOTD!!! Thank you…

  2. cute article my horse does the green gloop too he is very over protective of me and can very annoying especially when I am trying to give my other two horses attention

  3. This is perfect. I wouldn’t ever trade a single moment with a horse, but I know they like to mess with us. They are incredibly smart and know full well what aggravates us.

  4. Jeez! I thought Myles, my American Saddlebred was the only horse that did these silly things. His love/hate friend Tessy has picked up some of his habits, and between the two of them, they have me running back and forth between the two of them like a crazy person. Tandem Horse teasing! One grabs my bag, the other throws my coat on the ground, then they expect treats after stealing plastic bags from our hiding places. I never seem to go fast enough for the two of them.

  5. So Funny! I really don’t mind the little quirks it is just when my horse acts like she doesn’t understand when I tell her not to do something for the hunderdth time is when it gets a little annoying.

  6. Here’s the 9 things I wish my horse would stop doing:
    1. Freaking out when our neighbors come home. I don’t know why he hates them so much.
    2. Running away from me like I’m a horse abuser.
    3. Acting like a wild Mustang when people come to see him.
    4. Trying to bite the farrier, who is trying to help him.
    5. Chasing the goats and dog like a cutting horse.
    6. Biting me for no reason.
    7. Screaming in panic when I leave him alone for 3 seconds in a place he doesn’t like.
    8. Punching my head and committing random acts of terrorism in general.
    9. PULLING BACK!

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