Competing in a horse show is a great way to test your skills, spend time with your horse, and engage in some friendly rivalry. This can all add up to a great deal of fun, except that show days rarely go as planned. As proof, here are some real-life horse show misadventures presented on the timeline of a one-day open show:
6:20 a.m. Attempt to hitch up trailer and miss. Twice. Furiously rub dent in your truck’s chrome bumper in hopes that it’ll magically disappear before your husband notices.
7:15 a.m. Pull into showgrounds. Park in last available spot located within the Four Corners of Comfort: concession stand, shade tree, water source and port-o-potty.
7:57 a.m. Once unloaded, your horse displays antics similar to a hyperactive kindergartner. This does not bode well for the day’s events. Hastily grab longeline.
9:40 a.m. While jogging through the showmanship pattern, your horse dives head first into the decorative foliage. He then greets the judge with a mouthful of fake petunias.
10:55 a.m. Successfully navigate obstacles in the trail class, except for the lope-over poles. You never quite achieve the right rhythm at the lope. Result? Log-rolling contest.
1:36 p.m. After lunch break, change into English attire. Untie horse from side of trailer; pull him away from hay net. In return, he snorts an ounce of alfalfa dust down your show shirt and directly into your bra.
2:10 p.m. Flatwork portion of hunter hack class goes amazingly well. Line up in center, alongside your chatty barn buddy. Suddenly realize you’ll be first to do the two small jumps. Too bad you weren’t paying attention to judge’s directions. Go off course.
2:28 p.m. Vindication! Win hunt-seat equitation class and proudly ride toward ribbon girl. Unfortunately, your horse acts like she’s thrusting live rattlesnakes in his face. Humbly dismount before anyone’s injured.
4:31 p.m. Friends goad you into entering a jumper class. Much to your amazement, your horse jumps fast and clean. Immediately you regret not memorizing the jump-off course. Wander around arena like a lost hiker for a few moments; exit quietly.
5:25 p.m. Evaluate your aching joints, blistered feet and empty bank account. Ask yourself, “Was that really fun today?” Glance at shiny blue ribbon in your hand. What a silly question.
During her lengthy show career on the hunter/jumper circuit, CINDY HALE won more than 20 medals for hunt seat equitation. She currently serves as a judge at local and regional open horse shows.
This article originally appeared in the June 2015 issue of Horse Illustrated magazine. Click here to subscribe!