I have loved horses for as long as I can remember. At the age of 2, I was at a company picnic with my parents when I spied pony rides at the bottom of a hill. Without a second glance at my poor mom and dad, I took off running down that hill as fast as my chubby 2-year-old legs could carry me, screaming, “Need to ride the pony!” the entire time.

That pony ride lit a spark that has burned bright for the last 34 years. I began riding lessons when I turned 7, and at the age of 16, I became the proud owner of an old, grumpy red dun Appaloosa named Phoenix.

A Wake-Up Call

My life as an equestrian was not without its challenges, however. I spent a good majority of my life overweight, and in the equine industry, that can be met with a myriad of backlash. I rode anyway. I made sure I always had a horse that could comfortably carry my weight and I did what I loved the most.

In 2019, I found out that I was pregnant. I also found out at a doctor’s appointment that I was at the highest weight I had ever been. High weight can lead to pregnancy complications, and that is exactly what happened to me. I developed a pregnancy complication called ICP, which stands for intrahepatic cholestasis of pregnancy, brought about by my undiagnosed nonalcoholic fatty liver disease.

This serious complication can cause spontaneous stillbirth, and because of that, I was induced to deliver early and had my son at just 34 weeks gestation. I spent a total of nine days in the hospital, and he was in the NICU for an additional 10 days. That experience opened my eyes regarding the seriousness of my weight and my health more than anything else ever had.

A Major Change

Soon after, I began the process of getting approved for bariatric surgery. After six months of psychiatric evaluations, nutritionist appointments, cardiac testing and B-12 shots, I was finally approved and scheduled for surgery.

In August of 2021, I had gastric sleeve surgery, which involves the removal of around 80 percent of the stomach. Many people view weight loss surgery as an “easy way out,” but those people would be wrong. It wreaks havoc on your brain and your body.

Imagine the mental strain of being addicted to food and then suddenly not being able to eat it. I had to change my entire relationship with food, exercise, and how I looked at myself. However, I am happy to say that in the 15 months since my surgery, I have successfully lost 180 pounds.

I have felt the benefits of weight loss in all aspects of my life, but none more so than when riding my horses. I’ve heard others say that as equestrians, we shouldn’t expect our horses to be athletes if we aren’t willing to also be athletes as well. But I never understood that concept until I felt how much easier riding was after I lost weight and got in shape.

New Perspective on Riding After Weight Loss

Before losing weight, I would trot two or three laps around the ring before needing to walk because I was so out of breath. I would feel like physically passing out after jumping a course. I was in decent shape for my size, but I was not physically in shape to ride the way I needed to be.

I’m not saying that a person needs to be skinny to be an effective equestrian, but they should be in the best physical shape possible to be an effective and strong partner for their horse.

Now I can trot around with my big Dutch Harness Horse for quite a while without feeling winded at all. I even bought myself a tall but fine-boned off-track Thoroughbred as a project horse.

Beyond the weight loss, I have developed a love for fitness and nutrition. Yoga and cardio dance classes have become favorite additions to my week, as well as a passion for lifting weights that I never knew I possessed.

I’ve also gone back to school at the age of 36 to pursue certifications in personal training and strength training, as well as a master’s degree in nutrition. I’m hoping to begin a career focused on helping other equestrians reach their health, fitness, and weight loss goals.

I’m truly grateful that I was able to take the steps necessary to improve my health, my skills as an equestrian, and my life.

This article about Kylie’s weight loss journey appeared in the AR issue of Horse Illustrated magazine. Click here to subscribe!

The post An Equestrian’s Weight Loss Journey appeared first on Horse Illustrated Magazine.

Growing up in the 1990s and early 2000s, I never had much experience with real bullying. Sure, there were the odd bullies in school who could put a damper on a good day, but they didn’t follow me home. When school was over, I was able to walk away from them until the next time I saw them. At the barn, none of my fellow riders ever said anything mean to me, and if anyone ever whispered about me at shows, I never knew about it.

These days, however, with the addition of social media, everyone is linked to everyone else. The bullies can follow you home now. Anything you post is out there for the world to see and comment on. The horse world, especially, is filled with bullying and “keyboard warriors”—people who sit behind their computer screens and type awful things to complete strangers with zero consequences.

Virtual-World Bullying in the Horse Industry

As a plus-sized rider, I have dealt with bullying for years. The phrase “poor horse” is rattled off on my social media accounts at least once a week. I work closely with my vet and trainer; I am a considerate horse owner and take incredibly good care of my boys, and I know I am not hurting them in any way, but the words still hurt.

I have considered giving up more times than I can count over the years because the cruelty and judgement of others becomes overwhelming. As I am sitting here writing this, someone commented on one of my riding videos, saying, “I’m amazed your horse’s back didn’t break.” Why do people think it’s OK to treat others like this?

For a long while, the bullying I experienced had an enormously detrimental effect on my self-esteem and wellbeing. I was depressed. I didn’t want to share my joy, because I was afraid of the backlash of posting photos of myself on a horse.

At one point, I was being stalked online by a woman who was constantly commenting on my photos and messaging me all kinds of nasty things about my weight. Another time, a friend of mine in Switzerland shared a photo of me and my horse using one of her saddle pads to her social media. The next morning, I woke up to comment after hateful comment on her post. People rattled off phrases like “go eat a salad,” “maybe the horse should be riding you,” and “you clearly don’t care about the health and wellbeing of your horse.”

It absolutely broke my heart. It made me question if I even wanted to continue life as an equestrian if that was how I was going to be treated by people who had never even met me before.

Nothing to Fear but Fear

Bullying is a huge problem in our sport. Every day, I have people writing to me on my social media accounts telling me their stories and their fears of sharing their joy, because they are so afraid of being judged.

I occasionally get a message saying, “Thank you for being such an inspiration and helping me feel comfortable about sharing my journey with my horse despite of what the bullies and haters might say.” But more times than not, the messages are along the lines of “I’ve been bullied,” or “I’ve gotten hateful comments, and now I’m afraid to share photos and videos.”

Afraid. So many people are afraid. We are equestrians. Horses bring us joy. Nobody should ever be afraid to share that joy with the world for fear of being looked down on for being “different.”

A love of horses should not have restrictions. No matter our size, skin color, income, riding level or circumstances, our hearts belong to these animals, and that should bring us all together. Equestrians need to stand up for each other, not tear each other down.

I have been through a lot. I have endured the hate and the criticism, the threats and the major depression and anxiety they bring. I have made it through all of it, and I have developed a tough armor against the hate and the hurt. Now, I want to help others do the same. I want everyone to be able to share the happiness they feel being with their horse without dwelling on the fear of judgement.

The best advice that I can give to anyone that is reading this is to surround yourself with positivity. I ride at an amazing farm called Misty Mountain Stables. I have never been at a farm that is so incredibly supportive of me and everything that I do. It has made a world of difference to my self-esteem and helps me keep the bullies from affecting me like they used to.

People bully because they are unhappy with their own lives and want to hurt others like they are hurting. I try to remember that when someone is being particularly cruel to me, and I feel sorry for them.

I love horses. I have loved them since I took my first pony ride at the age of two, 32 years ago. I will always love them, and I will never let the words of strangers, who don’t know me, keep me from following my passion. And neither should you.

This article about bullying in the horse world appeared in the January/February 2021 issue of Horse Illustrated magazine. Click here to subscribe!

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Learning self-acceptance as a rider can be key for our confidence and happiness, but overall as a person, it can mean even more. Learn how important this was for equestrian Kylie Standish, especially if you are someone who struggles with weight.

At the age of 2, I stood on the top of a hill at my grandmother’s company picnic. From my vantage point, I could see pony rides being given down at the bottom. I looked for my parents and then I made my escape. I ran as fast as my little legs could carry me. I ran down that hill toward those ponies, screaming the whole time, “Need to ride the pony!” And ride the pony I did.

From that moment on, I was hooked. I began lessons at the age of 7, and here I am 25 years later, the proud owner of four beautiful horses and just as in love with the equine species as I was at the age of 2.

Challenges with Learning Self-Acceptance

I’ve also always been plus-sized. In elementary school, I was forever the tallest child in class, and the heaviest. No matter how I ate, no matter how much I did or didn’t exercise, I remained heavy.

To some, being plus-sized and being an equestrian don’t necessarily mesh. I grew up with a trainer who was one of these people. She taught me a lot, but she also left me with some deep emotional scars due to her near-constant body shaming.

I vividly recall a lesson when I was around the age of 10. I was riding a 14-something-hand Mustang pony that I had enjoyed dozens of times. On that particular day, my trainer, for whatever reason, decided that I was suddenly too big for this pony. She stopped the lesson out of the blue, had me dismount and follow her up to her house.

When we got to the house, she pulled out a scale and made me get on it. She then proceeded to tell me that I could no longer ride that pony. That was the first time I really began to understand that I was different, that I may have a harder time gaining acceptance in the equestrian world because of how I looked. I was once told at a show that if I lost some weight, I would probably place higher.

How is that acceptable? If a rider is properly matched to their horse and rides well, that is all that should matter in the show ring. In the years that have passed since the day that I was forced off the pony and onto a scale, acceptance of plus-sized riders has definitely improved; however, there is still a long way to go before we are seen simply as equestrians and not as plus-sized.

The Ups and Downs

I run a social media account that’s dedicated to being a role model for other plus-sized riders. On a daily basis, I receive messages from plus-sized equestrians around the globe telling me their stories: how they’re afraid to post photos or videos of themselves online because of the backlash they may face. How they thought they were limited in what they could do with horses, and then they see my account and realize that there’s someone out there who looks like them that’s going out and doing all of the things they wish they could.

Back in April I took my horse, Noodle, to an eventing clinic. The clinic was being taught by international five-star rider Will Coleman. I signed up on a whim and was so nervous. Not only had I never ridden with someone of this caliber before, but I was also afraid of being shamed for being overweight and daring to ride horses.

I have encountered this type of hate so much in my life that I was terrified that this acclaimed rider would feel the same way and berate me for it, or even worse, refuse to teach me.

Little did I know that I had nothing to worry about. Not only was Will one of the nicest people I’ve ever met, he thought I was a lovely, talented, and balanced rider who fit her horse just fine. That makes learning self-acceptance easier for a person.

I rode the high of that clinic for days afterward until an international friend of mine shared a photo of Noodle and I from the clinic, sporting her company saddle pad, on her Instagram account.

The next morning I woke up to hateful comment after hateful comment: strangers telling me I was too fat, and how dare I get on any horse, judging me, calling me lazy, sloppy and an animal abuser.

They rattled off the phrases “poor horse” and “try eating a salad once in a while.” It broke my heart. I cried. A lot.

Then I dried my tears, blocked and deleted all of the hate, and moved on with my life. Not because I’m brave or immune to the evil and bullying in this world, but because I know that the only way to silence the haters and learn self-acceptance is to go out there and prove them wrong.

In the end, a love for horses doesn’t have a size, and it’s what unites us as equestrians. It overrides the negativity and judgement that divides us. Remember being a kid who just loved horses and wanted to ride. Don’t judge. Be kind. Ride above the hate!

This article about learning self-acceptance as a rider originally appeared in the October 2019 issue of Horse Illustrated magazine. Click here to subscribe!

The post Silencing the Haters: Learning Self-Acceptance as a Rider appeared first on Horse Illustrated Magazine.