A Monumental Decision

For me, it was a phone call with my dentist. I couldn’t afford the yearly X-rays they were requiring before I could have a cleaning (I hadn’t had a proper dental cleaning in longer than I care to admit). I started to cry on the phone because they wouldn’t make an exception for me.

When I hung up the phone, I stared at my budget on my computer and thought, “I am 40 years old, what am I doing?” I had no savings, no retirement plan. Thankfully no kids depend on me and my husband, but I am not super healthy. I was diagnosed with arthritis in my 20s and was told I was already halfway to osteoporosis due to low bone density. I haven’t seen a regular doctor since then.

I spent the last several years showing a Gypsy Vanner mare—my heart horse. I loved her more than anything else, except for my husband. My only friends were those I saw at horse shows and events. But all that money, along with Covid and a series of things breaking, including needing to replace all three of our cars, had led to mountains of debt. Those memes weren’t funny anymore—they were heartbreaking and stress-inducing.

It was that day that I made the decision to get out of horses. The amount of money we had invested in a truck and trailer, tack, and the horses themselves was enough to completely pay off all our debt, except for my student loan. But also because—if I was honest with myself—it was very hard on my body and caused a lot of pain.

Saying Goodbye

I feel like there are two types of riders. The ones that ride occasionally for the fun of it. They can ride or not ride; it’s not a big deal. My husband is that type. Then there are the ones where “equestrian” defines who they are. I am in the latter group. Getting out of horses was like removing my identity.

Selling my heart horse meant saying goodbye to my best friend. I cried as if she had died. Non-horse people offered unhelpful statements like, “You’ll get another one someday when money is better.” Only those who have owned a heart horse understand; they are not replaceable.

Months passed and I wasn’t getting better. Tears flowed whenever anything triggered me: a photo, a memory on Facebook, a song we did a freestyle to, or her namesake Disney character on someone else’s feed. Since all my friends were horse people, I was suddenly alone, which didn’t help the depression that was stifling me.

I hit rock bottom when I sent a text to an old high school friend in another state: “I cried most the day, had a fight with the husband, contemplated why I’m even alive, then cried more. Life sucks right now. Selling the horse was the worst … and I have no friends.”

At this point you may be judging me, thinking my reaction was a bit extreme. But when you don’t have friends, and your horse was your sole means of socialization, losing everything at once can have serious effects on your mental health. That’s the spot I was in.

Mini Steps

When you start to think about not living, something needs to change. We had paid off all our debt and took a good look at the budget, deciding how much we wanted to save to finally have a safety net. We decided we could still meet our goals while owning a couple of Miniature Horses to “mow” the pastures and provide me with a horse fix.

I am not going to lie and say it was an overnight fix. It wasn’t, and still isn’t. I haven’t bonded with Argyll—my 2-year-old Mini—like I did with my heart horse. Will I in the future? I hope so. But he provides me with a reason to get outside.

I am taking driving lessons with a lesson Mini to see if my body can handle it. If not, we can do in-hand things like tricks and trail. Showing is still not in the budget, but there are many free things like parades, walks on trails, and even the International Horse Agility Club offers reasonably priced online competition.

As for my heart horse? We still don’t say her name in the house. She has become a proper noun, “Her,” that is implicitly understood.

I still cry sometimes, and I think I always will, but my heart is not heavy as it was. I can walk into the barn and hear whinnies again. I can smell a horse and feel his sweet nose on my face—Argyll loves to give kisses.

I hope those of you in my position take heart. How you interact with horses may change due to finances or getting older, but there is always a way to have them in your life, even if it means volunteering at a riding center or downsizing.

If you need horses in your life, find a way, because they are truly irreplaceable and the world’s best therapy.

This article appeared in the July 2024 issue of Horse Illustrated magazine. Click here to subscribe!

The post Selling My Heart Horse appeared first on Horse Illustrated Magazine.

Brianna and Genesis

Brianna Noble, aka The Urban Cowgirl, lives on-site and runs a facility in Castro Valley, Calif., 10 minutes from Oakland. There, she helps serve the lower-income communities of the East Bay. She has 21 horses of all types on 40 acres.

Noble makes her living starting horses. Four years ago, she and her husband welcomed Genesis Gutierrez, who instantly became a “barn baby.”

Their first stop coming home from the hospital was the barn, where her beloved Thoroughbred gently greeted the new addition and has been Genesis’ friend and protector ever since.

“I have a picture where I look like a hot mess,” she jokes. “I was tired, I’d given birth the day before, my hair was crazy, I had forgotten to put my shirt strap back up from nursing, and my pants are open. But I have this tiny one-day-old human on my chest, and my mare had walked up to greet her and put her nose on her back. That was the start of my daughter’s interaction with horses.”

Noble immediately went back to doing ranch chores.

“That meant I was carrying my daughter most of the time,” she says. “I’d have her strapped to my chest or back. She was happy like that.”

Eventually, her husband created a baby swing in the barn aisle. Noble also began riding a very well-trained horse with Genesis and found nothing soothed a fussy baby better.

All of the moms we spoke to agreed that safety is highly situational. A professional with a solid horse will feel safer in many situations than someone less experienced. Safety should always be paramount, and each parent will have to carefully decide what that means for them
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When Genesis was crawling age, Noble would drive her pickup into the center of the ring, making the truck bed into a soft playpen and riding circles around it. When Genesis learned to walk and take off her clothes, a streaking toddler was a common sight around the barn. By 2, Genesis was riding on her own. She loves to take long trail rides with her parents and gives way too many cookies to her pony.

“It’s been an amazing thing to see her growing up on the ranch,” Noble says.

Brynne and Graham

Although Brynne Boian doesn’t currently own her own horses, she trains off-the-track Thoroughbreds and gives lessons near Lexington, Ky. Her son Graham, age 3, comes to the barn with her.

“It started by just setting him up in the middle of the arena with a few toys, snacks and his tablet if it was going to be a particularly long day,” Boian says.

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Then her fellow trainer started leading him around on the lesson pony; now Graham can’t get enough. They hope to soon try a leadline class.

“Recently he’s shown interest in the pitchfork and cleaning stalls—fingers crossed that sticks!” she says. “He loves bringing the step stool over to the pony to brush and love on him. It’s really been fun to watch.”

Graham sees the joy horses bring his mom and wants to be a part of it.

“Share your passions with your kids, but maybe leave them at home with Dad every once in a while so you can enjoy some ‘you’ time at the barn too,” Boian advises.

Danielle and Lilly

Danielle Biermann and her husband keep their three horses at home in Waco, Texas. The pack includes a young Fjord she’s training for 3-year-old daughter Lilly, an American Quarter Horse Biermann shows in all-around open competitions, and a rescued donkey that Lilly named Olaf.

When Lilly was first born, Biermann says it was stressful trying to figure out how to balance a new baby with her horse chores.

“I knew I had to keep fighting through and find a way to make it work,” she says.

This meant investing in a baby carrier and wearing her while she fed horses. While Lilly slept in a stroller, Biermann would fly spray, groom and do the groundwork on the other side of the fence. An activity seat and snacks would prolong stroller time. Biermann would always talk to Lilly, explaining what she was doing.

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At around 15 months, Lilly started to count out the horses’ scoops of feed and fill the water tanks. She loves grooming and taking care of “her” horses.

“I got a little kid shovel, and she’ll help me shovel the poop,” Biermann says. “You’d be surprised how much a little kid can do if you give them the opportunity.”

Lilly enjoys being led on her mom’s horse or reading to the horses, who come over to listen.

“Don’t give up your passion,” Biermann advises. “Get creative, and let the kids get involved.”

Raquel and Jolie

Raquel Dachner jumps and boards her off-track Thoroughbred near her family’s home in Dana Point, Calif. Her mom’s 30-year-old Thoroughbred lives there as well, and they also care for their trainer’s older horse. Having the older trustworthy horses around has been key.

Daughter Jolie, now 2, started “riding” during pregnancy and has been accompanying her mom and grandma to the barn ever since.

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“When she was a newborn, she would usually just be napping while my mom watched her and I rode,” Dachner says. “My parents’ older horse, Alpine, would hang his head out of his stall, and I would put the stroller in front of it while I was getting my horse ready. Jolie would pet his face.

“Since Jolie started walking and running around, she really likes helping with barn chores,” Dachner continues. “She especially likes mixing the horses’ food with all their supplements and vitamins. She uses a little broom and a small rake to help clean stalls. She has ridden the older horses a few times. Recently she also likes cleaning my saddle, which is nice. My mom watches her when I ride, and she takes Jolie with her when she walks the older horses and turns them out. Jolie also loves brushing and petting them.”

Hope, Finley and Evie

Hope Taylor is a veteran barn mom, saying daughters Finley and Evie—now 9 and 7—were practically born in the barn. The family keeps their three personal horses—plus a small boarding and training business—at their home in Liberty Hill, Texas, outside of Austin.

Taylor does all types of riding, and their horses include a Shetland, American Quarter Horse and off-track Thoroughbred.

She carried Finley around the barn as an infant, while Evie preferred the pack ’n play.

“I remember plenty of times when both [girls] needed to be held, and you’d find me with one on my front and one on my back—a little like balancing two water buckets!” Taylor says. “As they got older, they loved ‘helping’ clean stalls with their own little shovels/pitchforks and buckets, riding tricycles down the aisle, playing with their bubble blower machine, and the occasional tack room movie when they had worn themselves out. Fast forward to today, and they’re so incredibly helpful!”

They both love to ride, though they have very different approaches, with Finley taking her time and Evie being a daredevil.

“All the plans you had may have to change in an instant with a diaper blowout, inconsolable teething—the list goes on forever,” says Taylor. “Enjoy whatever time you have in the barn. Set yourself up for success! Be prepared with snacks, pack ’n plays, carriers, and a change of clothes.”

This article about taking your baby to the barn appeared in the May 2022 issue of Horse Illustrated magazine. Click here to subscribe!

The post Taking Your Baby to the Barn appeared first on Horse Illustrated Magazine.

None of the owners who keep their horses at the Gemini Performance Horse boarding barn are wealthy. Most earn average incomes working at full-time jobs to meet the monthly costs of their own housing, utilities and other routine household expenses. They also work hard to have enough disposable income left over to finance their horse-related expenses.

In an industry traditionally associated with the wealthy, horsekeeping has become dominated by average owners who want their horses to be well-fed, well-trained and responsibly looked after. And they are willing to make the sacrifices necessary to afford it.

Among them is Debbie Conklin, who works full-time at a bank to finance her horse-related expenses. According to Conklin, it’s her job that allows her to own, ride and take part in shows with her Quarter Horse, Photons SmartNSassy,

Known around the barn as Ellie. It also means that she has to manage both her time—and her money—well.

“Being with horses has been my heart and soul for 50 years,” Conklin says. “And when you are [a working horse owner], you have to make decisions about how you
spend not only your money, but your time as well.”

So Conklin keeps her horse at a boarding barn and schedules weekly sessions with a trainer. The choice to board her horse is not inexpensive, but it makes sense to her.

“If you do self-care, you don’t have time to ride—you feed, groom and go,” says Conklin. “This way, I’m here Tuesdays, Thursdays and weekends, and I can work with a trainer.”

Juggling Life and Horses for More Than a Hobby

For some horse owners who are juggling life and horses, boarding their horses close to their workplace is crucial. Cutting down commute time means extra time to ride and spend with their horse. That’s why Deborah Simone based her horsekeeping decisions exclusively on the location of her job.

Simone, who is a sonographer, was boarding her 18-year-old Hanoverian cross mare, Lovey, at a barn close to her home. But when a new assignment sent her to work in a direction opposite the barn, Simone decided to change Lovey’s location, too.

“Riding her just on weekends just wasn’t enough,” says Simone. Lovey’s new location now allows Simone to visit her boarding barn on Tuesdays, Thursdays and weekends.

“I groom her, take a short 15- or 20-minute ride around the property, and just spend time with her,” says Simone. “If you love something—if it’s your passion—you’ll find a way.”

For after-work equestrians, finding a way means determining exactly why you have a horse in the first place.

“Know thyself—know what your goals are and know what you are going to do with the horse,” says Simone.

That could mean owning a horse so that riding can be basis of your fitness routine, or spending time riding or and caring for your horse in order to relax after a stressful day.

That’s exactly why self-employed hairstylist Danielle Buechner became an after-work equestrian.

“After I’ve had a stressful day, going to the barn and riding my horse—or just being with my horse—makes a difference; it changes my whole outlook, my whole demeanor,” says Buechner. “Even on days when I don’t feel like going and I force myself to get there, it’s worth it.”

Meanwhile, Conklin’s goal-setting revolves around getting ready for the next horse show. Since she started working with a trainer and focusing on her performance in the show ring, Conklin has taken honors in a pair of divisions in the show series she rides in with Ellie.

“But it’s not about the buckle,” says Conklin. “Ellie and I are a team, and it’s about what we’ve accomplished together.”

Either way, being conscious of what you want to achieve is key when juggling life and horses.

“Whatever you do, remember your time is limited and therefore valuable, so make sure your goals are clear and that you are working toward achieving them,” says trainer Clarissa Cupolo.

Equestrian Goals

At the same time, it’s not just rider-focused goals that after-work equestrians need to consider. The goals working equestrians have for their horses factor into planning, as well.

“For example, maybe you want your horse to be ridden twice a week and you only have time to do it once a week,” says Cupolo. “If you’re at a boarding barn, you [may have access to] a trainer who can work the horse once a week when you can’t.”

Meanwhile, according to Florida horse trainer Christine Massinger, time spent training—either with a professional or as part of a personal program—keeps your horse’s skill set marketable and improves his chances for rehoming in the case of job loss or another change in circumstances that interferes with your ability to care for him.

“You would never not educate your child, would you?” asks Massinger.

Time & Money Management

At the same time, becoming an equestrian juggling life and horses requires making a personal plan that involves everything from understanding the financial commitment that it will require, the time it will demand, and what can be done to smooth out the entire process.

“First, be aware of the numbers, because [a good chunk of] your paycheck is probably going to your horse, and you’ll have to make sacrifices—such as not buying that new car—in order to have him,” says Cupolo. “But if the cost of owning is too high, you can be an after-work equestrian by finding a trainer and taking weekly lessons.”

Be aware that being an afterwork rider borrows time from other things that you might want to do when the workday ends. Sharing personal equestrian goals with a buddy can help.

“It’s hard to be motivated after a long day of work, but if you ride with a buddy, you are more likely to ride rather than give the horse a carrot and a pat on the nose,” says Cupolo. She also recommends making a mental commitment to your hobby by developing a routine around it.

“Plan your day,” says Cupolo. “Pack a change of clothes just as you would when you go to the gym, and brown-bag something to eat so you don’t get hungry and want to rush home to eat,” Family support is also crucial, according to Simone.

“My husband Darrin is totally on board with this, and on Tuesdays and Thursdays when I’m at the barn, he spends time with his friends,” she says. “I don’t have to rush home—I don’t have that pressure.”

Ultimately, becoming an afterwork equestrian is a choice that, despite the demands, offers perks to both horses and riders. According to Massinger, it’s those benefits that make the investments worthwhile.

“Having a horse is hard work—financially and otherwise,” Massinger says. “Ultimately, being an after-work equestrian is not about the quantity of time, it’s about the quality of the time you spend with your horse, and that’s very rewarding.”

This article on juggling life and horses originally appeared in the September 2019 issue of Horse Illustrated magazine. Click here to subscribe!

The post Horses After Work: Juggling Life and Horses appeared first on Horse Illustrated Magazine.